My Current Experiment

I recently re-started working with self-hypnosis. I figured that, heck, even if it doesn't help me get good at PU, it helps me feel good. And human beings do deserve to feel good.

As for content, I leave a lot open for my subconscious to fill in as it pleases. I think it does a very fine job of helping me, so I'm leaving as much as possible up to it. So I use very broad suggestions like "all those abilities that my unconscious shares with me now..." On top of that, I repeatedly associate AA with laughter, and approaches with fun. And lo and behold, it seems to work!

In addition to that, I'm doing some of the tantra exercises again.

I'm having the impression that things are starting to roll. I got a #close a few days ago, re-kindled an old friendship after we ran into each other on the streets, received an odd call from a former "target" of mine, and I'm just doing way more approaches than ever.

So what are the signs of change?

The most important one is that I simply feel better. I'm extremely relaxed, very focused, and highly motivated.

On a more detailed level, the most obvious change is that I have completely let go of chastising myself for not trying. Every approach is a small victory, every smile I get is encouraging, every vague "hello..." is good.

I think the main mistake I made in the past - not only with regard to PU, but in that area it had the most obvious and troubling effects - was putting extreme pressure upon myself. It seems a bit weird, but the old coaching mantra of SMART - Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Timely - as rational as it is, it just never seemed to cut it for me. At least not in that vague field of "self-improvement". I'm fairly certain that there are good applications for that, mind you - when it comes to project management, etc.

I think the issue is that, when you're dealing with highly personal matters that have strong fears and anxieties attached, the idea of "measuring your success" is, in many ways, the worst you can have. Chances are you'll start measuring your failure, and from that point on, it's a downward spiral. So it's probably better to keep those goals somewhat vague.

But I'm digressing.

More importantly, I think, is that I managed to refraim my goals completely. I cannot stress this enough: It's not about getting that "lay" or that "close". It's about learning to dance, when in the past you were a hunter-gatherer in dire need of some food to keep himself and his family alive over the next week. It's about communicating and having fun.

It's not about reaching some kind of sum-of-approaches or number-of-lays. It's about realization.

And I'm much, much closer to that goal than... heck, even a week ago!

Another thing that comes to mind is that approaches do not have to conform to any rule of perfection. Or rather: They CAN'T do that. You will be nervous, you will stutter and grasp for words that just won't come, you will give up and walk away without having said a thing, you will feel like a schoolboy caught with his hands in the honey jar - you will do all kinds of stupid mistakes, all the time!

And it's frakking okay!

Feeling

As I'm writing this, I realize that I am dancing around some kind of stingy bush. I'm doing so because the next thing that I want to explain is so hard to put into words in a decent and useful fashion. Let me try...

It's gotten visceral. I's "clicked". Many of the things that I have tried to get into my system for years with little success, in all manners of ways, are somehow... reaching, clicking, arriving home, sinking in...

If i try to describe this in a useful, repeatable, non-metaphorical way, all I can say is: They are becoming visceral. Instead of being words that I try to repeat to myself in my head (while my unconscious comes up with completely different thoughts that, of course, win every time), I FEEL them now all through my body. I FEEL that I have changed. I FEEL that it's okay to fail.

Jeez, now that I think of it, this is a change that is so much vaster than simply "getting an fclose" or "being a good PUA"! This is about life, folks. This is about being outrageous and courageous and spontaneous and fun and just... well, the man I have always, ALWAYS dreamed to be.

I'm so excited by this!

One tiny, but interesting detail: I only found out today that, for YEARS, I did the following: I planned to approach a girl. I searched for an opener. If I found none, I gave up. If I DID find one, I visualized speaking this opener, and instantly switched to panic.

Yeah. Excellent strategy. Perfect! And then I blamed myself for the panic, asked myself why I was so chicken, and didn't reach the goals I had in mind.

In short, I think that most of this is about relaxation and being loose, plain and simple. An awful lot.

Results

Since I don't have any tangible results yet, I won't boast victory. I want this blog to stay honest and realistic. I tried to go down the boast-your-way-to-success road before, and I failed quite miserably. Won't repeat that mistake!