"All that talking doesn't get me laid"

It's a complaint I frequently hear from people who set out to become PUAs: "This doesn't work. All that talking is useless. Why should I talk with her for hours, if I don't get laid anyway?"

I can see where those guys are coming from - more or less directly from Niceguyland. Hours and hours of talking, and no action whatsoever. You listened to her complaining about that asshole at school for weeks, accumulated quite a phone bill and, by now, you are sick to the stomach from all that negativity that you lapped up... and a few days later, she's blowing the living daylights out of him. Him. Not you.

So it figures that talking doesn't get you laid.

Now, here's my challenge to you: What's the alternative? Do you seriously think that women will fall to their knees begging to blow you, just for your major achievements in pantomime? Just for your good looks? I admit, some might do it for money, but those tend to rather not be the ones I want for my dick.

When I look around, right now, in the coffee shop where I'm sitting, guess what I see: I see groups of people talking. I take from that that we, as humans, were designed for communication. We love to share, to reaffirm our opinions and little prejudices, and experience the wide range of emotions that other people evoke in us.

Let me propose a radical concept here: Pickup, in the widest sense of "being good with women", is not about getting laid.

Yep, I mean it. Pickup is not about getting laid.

As long as you have that goal of "getting the girl" in your head, you will always be somewhat tense around them. And of course, your interactions will show it. It will forever be awkward, weird and stressful.

I think I've met maybe two guys in my whole life who were really, REALLY good with women. And I'm not talking about the likes of Erik von Markovik here. I mean guys who actually have women drooling. Constantly surrounded by them, almost to the degree of stalking.

One of the qualities that those two guys had in common was that they were completely laid back. One of them was even married, and I don't even think that he cheated. Why would he - when you have all the possibilities out there at your command, you will often find that you don't actually need to have it. You can always wait for tomorrow. (In fact, I think that this is a raterh good prerequisite for a successful relationhip... but I'm digressing.)

Anyway. The point is that being successful with women comes from not being in need. From not WANTING anything from the interaction, beside the interaction itself.

From simply enjoying the moment.

After years of trying to get the close, and failing almost every single day, I am now aiming for this enjoyment. And lo and behold, suddenly women recognize me, "haven't I seen you in here before?", and I start being flirtatious when I myself least expect me to be. It's truly amazing.

I haven't gotten laid. No. And I realize that there is no guarantee that I ever will get laid, ever again, in my life. I have no "method" to "guarantee success".

In fact, I think that all the method-mongering that goes down in the seduction community is the biggest pile of horse manure that we could have taken upon ourselves. Because it fills you with expectations about the outcome. It makes you doubt yourself when you don't get laid. If makes you forever double-guess your own actions. And that is the opposite of sexy.

No. It doesn't work that way. It's completely backwards. First, learn to enjoy the interaction. And then, later on, when you're really really happy with every single exchange with a woman, when you're just naturally flirtatious - perhaps, then, you can start worrying about getting laid.

I have the distinct impression that, by that time, you won't need it anymore.